I wrote this Blog post in the Spring of Last year! To say the least… a lot has changed. HA HA. Who am I kidding. I am just now getting my blog post up! With that being said… let this be the first step to my follow through! 🙂 This blog should fill you in on a little bit about me. This is my Discovery~ I hope this will encourage the strongest of women to ” Discover” themselves~!
It’s interesting how you wake up one day and things start to change or look more clear to you. Maybe it was an evolving thing that feels sudden or maybe it is just sudden.
For some reason I have always thought that my destination / purpose in life was somewhere hidden in some black box… somewhere that I just haven’t gotten to. Almost like I have to work super difficult tasks just to be able to get to this black box and one day be able to live out my destiny… My purpose. It seems ridiculous really. Why would I think that I have to get to it and that I’m not already living it?
I am a strong woman, a committed wife, a supporting and involved mother, a fighter for what I believe in, a believer of the pursuit of happiness, a creative spirit, a seeker of holistic health views, a real food eater, a wine drinker and a coffee lover!
So my question is… What am I looking for?
Am I looking for peace? Or am I looking for me?
As we all know today’s world is busy and bustling. If you don’t have a menu listed you probably won’t eat dinner at home. If you don’t have a schedule then well… one parent is late. If you’re not involved enough, your child’s grades drop or you have missed an important meeting. Most of us wake up and begin our day taking care of our children before we even go to the bathroom. We wake up and we don’t look back… The day is ahead and we have so much to do. At least, this is how it is for me, or otherwise defined as the “stay at home mom” lol.
Now… Don’t misunderstand, I am not complaining. I love my new gig! I have been able to see my child prosper on so many levels from my involvement. I have made friends and school commitments! I have been able to spend time in my community and plan play dates after school! We have yet to miss a baseball practice due to my tardiness because of the office not letting me leave on time or there being to much work to do. I have yet to miss anything in the classroom because I can’t miss work! I LOVE with every part of me… Being a new stay at home mom.
Just like any other thing, there is a period in which changing your duties or managing your new responsibilities can be trying! But I would say that the hardest part of this change was knowing how to define myself.
Before I was remarried, I was a single mother. I was the single mom who hardly had time to keep her toe nails clipped, much less have an adult life. And I was okay with this. I adore my son… He is full of life and spunk! His smile does more for me than a million dollars and making him happy and doing everything in my being to provide was fine by me!
I have always been a fighter… I believe I get this from my mother! I don’t like to give up and I don’t like to let people down. This makes for a very good situation for a single mother and a not so great one for the ” single women”. I didn’t know how to be anything but a mother. I remember one day someone asking me what I do for fun. Ha ha… I remember thinking… ” I have no idea” but responded with, ” I am a mom”. Apparently this isn’t a good answer for the question I was approached with. I was told, ” no Michelle… What do YOU do for fun.. For YOU. I had no idea, I hadn’t thought about what I wanted in so long because what Chandler wanted seemed fulfilling enough. This led to my search. Who is Michelle?
I decided after a lot of soul searching, that I needed to be able to define myself. I needed to be able to answer this question. I took the approach of “running”. This was a time for me to “think”. I remember training and getting to the point where I felt like something had literally removed my spirit from my body… And I could imagine myself running but I wasn’t there. My fears and anxieties left in my running body. Strange for some… I know. But it became a necessity. I “needed” to run. Whether it was because I was stressed and needed to release what I was feeling or because it helped me push back issues into the black hole that they have always gone. Whatever the reason, it worked and I then defined myself as a “runner”.
Several years later and I am remarried to a wonderful, supportive man, and lucky enough to get to be a stay at home mom and I no longer run. But yet, I have had the time to reflect and realize, I can’t define myself by an action that changes but yet I need to know what it is that truly defines me.
Well, here is my journey to that discovery!
And the rest…ha ha ha… Is HISTORY!!
JOIN ME AND CREATE A JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY FOR YOURSELF!! 🙂